Posted in The Multiracial Activist Forum and Chat by kristenleean:
I am a white female and one of my best friends is a black male. We have known each other for almost eight years, and we have had an unexplainable connection and attraction every minute we have known each other. We met in high school, and I am now 22 and he is 23, so we are still young. I haven’t really ever dated black men, and he has never really dated white women. This attraction exists because we love not only what is on the outside but also what is on the inside. He is beautiful, don’t get me wrong. We have never been an “item” because we haven’t lived near each other long enough to start anything. We were both away at school and now, he is preparing to move to the opposite coast, so there have been no plans of starting a further relationship other than the deep friendship we already have. Anyway, I have a feeling that he is my soul mate, maybe it is wishful thinking, but he is just absolutely wonderful. He makes me feel special and loved and beautiful all the time. He always has. If we don’t talk for months, we can call each other and it feels like we have never missed a day of talking to each other. He has been there for me through a very rough time in my life, and he has been the friend that everyone always wishes they could find. Like I said before, there is the unexplainable connection between us. Or, maybe it is explainable. Even if things will someday be meant to be, he has issues with marrying a white woman. It isn’t because the families would be upset, it isn’t because he is racist, it is because he thinks that white women cannot become a part of a culture that is familiar to black people. And yes, there are many cultural differences between any race or religion or many societies – I could go on, but the point is, how do you ever stop ignorance of one “side” or the other if you are never willing teach your culture to other people? Hey, I am more than willing to learn! There are many things all different interracial couples have to offer each other, so when you find someone that you really love and who really loves you, why would you go ahead and look beyond color, but stop at cultural differences? If we can learn to not see color, we can learn to mix our cultures. And, he even said that any woman of color he would be willing to marry, just that it would be very unusual to find himself with a WHITE woman. He told me that women of color put spice in their food dishes and white women cook bland!!( And we all know that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…)
Any advice on this here subject, or just comments or questions, is greatly appreciated! Merry Christmas!
12/23/02 12:14 PM
Anyone who makes a stupid comment like that probably isn’t worth your time.
12/23/02 4:13 PM
Uh, I don’t know. I’ve know a lot of different women who have been role models for me when I was growing up, and there is a huge differnce in the cooking of American women and Asian women, West Indian women, Hispanic women, etc. unless the white women cooks food from other cultures. American food besides soul food, is more bland.
6/1/03 11:40 PM
Whatever
6/2/03 12:05 AM
Are you a white woman?
6/3/03 12:26 PM
Why do you ask?
6/3/03 12:35 PM
Because of “whatever”.
There’s truth in what I said about the cooking of women of color. Dishes that are “american” are boring and bland in comparison with other cuisines.
Just like when you tell white american’s they have no real culture. they are like “whatever”. there is truth in the difference of cultures and cuisines but sometimes white people don’t want to acknowledge the differences.
6/3/03 2:10 PM
No lil toxic boo-boo, there isn’t. You spent so much time bigoting up the forum. I hope you grew up since then.
Good cooking is genetic. Whatever.
6/3/03 2:37 PM
it is? was there a science experiement done on it?
Come on I know that.
Do american white women grow up cooking korean food, thai food, real mexican food, west indian food, or soul food? Women of color who are born into those cultures do.
You must be white.
6/3/03 2:54 PM
You are full of misguided assumptions, but please keep them to yourself.
6/3/03 2:59 PM
so white women are raised cooking exotic foods native to their culture. oh yeah chicken and dumplings are soooo exotic and spicy.
i mean if you aren’t just say you aren’t and try to offer something besides whatever.
6/3/03 3:09 PM
I’m not sure why it makes a difference to you or why you even started this thread (except to make the point the white women can’t cook) but I do know that I’ve lost interest in this discussion.
6/3/03 3:13 PM
i didn’t start the thread
6/3/03 3:40 PM
That’s a relief.
6/3/03 5:35 PM
Oh I am so hurt you said that. Boo hoo. Aren’t you rather old to be acting like that?
6/3/03 6:13 PM
Italian-American women may have grown up cooking REAL Italian food. Italian food is not “blah”. Italians are white.
6/3/03 4:47 PM
That’s true. Obviously you see what I was getting at.
6/3/03 9:24 PM
I am a white woman I can cook my ass off. I was brought up cooking Asian and Indian food, and can do it quite well. One does not have to be a woman of color to be able to cook delicious food. Perhaps many white women cannot cook food you or I consider to be good, but come on – you know some chicken and dumplings are good every once in awhile.
6/19/03 7:21 PM
I’ve exhausted myself by arguing with ignorant people for my entire life-time.
You have no need to defend yourself against someone like this.
6/20/03 12:47 PM
so you are the norm? then I need you to teach the white women in Pierce County, Wiconsin how to cook. because this certainly is not the norm there. it’s also not the norm in most of america. it’s not a cultural thing. it’s a learned thing for white women. maybe not you but then again if you are the norm then it would be. but you are not the norm. so then it can’t be. white women in lousiana norm for them. but look where they got it from.
6/25/03 11:20 AM
“It’s not a cultural thing.”
False – It can be very much a cultural thing. My mother and wife are both white women and both can cook so well, it’ll make your “tongue slap your brains out” (to quote my nana). Both were raised in white families, but were exposed and attracted to cultures other than their own since an early age.
It’s a learned thing for white women.
True – you learn either by formal education (cooking school) or exposure to the relevant culture. My mom’s parents were from Arkansas, so her learned form of cooking was sourthern, or “soul food” as referred to by some. However, she was born and raised in East Los Angeles, so her primary cultural interaction was with Latinos. As a result, she speaks fluent spanish and cooks some serious arroz con pollo and tamales. My wife hung with mainly black kids coming up, so she learned how to make “soul food”. I taught her to cook mexican. Her arroz con pollo is better than mine and she grew up in Seattle! (My salsa is still better though, I haven’t taught her ALL my secrets, he he.)
Contrast this to my wife’s grandmother who is a very good cook by any standard, but her cooking is typically “white”. Lots of meat and potatoes, stews and soups. I wouldn’t call them bland, but in comparison to the ethnic foods I enjoy, I guess they could be considered so.
7/7/03 4:12 PM
“exposed and attracted to cultures other than their own”
this says that it’s not their culture. that to me means it’s not a cultural thing. even cajun food is founded much on french cooking, however it took the french to meet the natives who aren’t white to get the spice. it takes another culture, a non-white culture. i will say though euros can make some slamming desserts and chocolates. but, even chocolate originated in mexico.
7/10/03 4:51 PM
Katherinej99,
I am amazed that people are still promoting all this crap. Pleased to hear that you can cook good Asian and Indian food. Cooking is a personal talent, it has nothing to do with pigmentation!
Cheers Bolshybrit
7/20/03 9:21 PM
Hi there kristenleean,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your input, down aways you mentioned we should perhaps train ourselves to not see color and I agree 100%, many friendships have been lost just because of color bias,which is totally prejudice and judgments. Have no part in a true honest God fearing person, as far as I’m concerned we all are of the human race world over – different yes on the outside, but that is not whom we truly are, we are spiritual beings having an human experience here on earth too learn our lessons.
7/30/03 5:06 PM
You are awesome! While my title of the thread was about cooking, most people missed the whole point – you didn’t. And just for an update, he ended up staying on this coast and moving a lot closer to where I live. I grew up in the south cooking soul food and cajun and mexican with my mom. I can cook. The whole point was, aside from cooking differences, for us to be together, why do I have to know and fully be emersed in his culture and not just be able to learn. I will never know what it is like to be black, he will never know what it is like to be white, but who cares as long as two people love each other inside and out?
Thanks, Jackie. I hope everyone else reads this too.
~Kristen
7/31/03 11:47 PM
come on do you want to be married who someone who is so anti feminist and thinks that women belong to the kitchen he is certainly outdated and belongs to the 19th century.you’ll probably end up being his slave and a subordinate to him if you make that decision i’m sure you know better than that
8/6/03 10:32 AM
bump
10/18/03 12:08 PM
This thread keeps showing up in my unread list. It’s driving me nuts.
10/20/03 11:32 AM