Forum: help plz

I would hazard to guess that, that would depend upon the environment in which you were raised and who you identify with racially and physically. I had a white father and have a African-American mother, but we lived in a predominately black community and had no problems other than the usual. We(all 6 of us)were taught that we were African-American, so we did not have an identity crisis like I have seen with others of similar parentage. My parents divorced because he was a womanizer and not from any racial issues. There were times when they would argue and my father would call my mother racially derogatory words and that bothered me as well as when she had a few choice words for him-not racial. I married an African-American-who incidentally has my completion and green eyes, yet both his parents are African-American. That is another issue worthy of discussion and research-at least I think so. I do find men of all races attractive, but it depends upon how God packaged them;) And only one is for me.

My true father figure was my mom’s dad, who was Native American and French. He set the example of manhood for me and he and my grandmother who was African and Native American set the tone for what a marriage and relationship is all about-a true partnership.

Regarding my relationship with friends-I feel very comfortable with all people-I think I adjust quickly to new situations and I enjoy learning about new cultures. I embrace life-period and I think that shows that I am comfortable with who I am-no problems here.

I do have friends who have either a mother or father who is African American and the other parent, is usually white. The most troubling ones-the ones who have a hard time in relationships are those that look thorougly black and call themselves something else like mixed or colored. And those with white skin and nappy hair and non-European features, who call themselves white or some call themselves mixed. In my opinion, what the hell is that! No body believes them and unless they post a sign on their back saying so-no one would think they were anything else but black. And what is wrtong with that. Mixed gives the idea that one is confused and nothing about one is distinctive. Everything is all mixed up, meshed together like in a blender. Unrecognizable, while colored just does not seem real-connotates a comic book or fictionized character. The relationships I have with collegues, friends and acquaintances are great. They do ask me-because of my auburn hair, and skin tone if I am mixed-I tell them that I am African-American. Is not the essence of being an African-American mean that we are of multi-racial heritage? Certainly, it does not mean our ancestors came to this country 300 odd years ago and we stayed exactly the same-Africans. Read your history and it shows that multi-racial relationships started even back in Africa when they traded, fought and conquered or were conquered by other nations. Think of the Spanish, the Romans, Visogoths, Vandals, Italians, Arabs, Semitics and it goes on and on.

Everybody needs an identity and other or mized is not it. I would not recommend “passing”-have kids and one of them just might come out a little darker or may not have quite straight hair, then what are you going to say. A friend of my sister did just that and her husband divorced her when she told him, her father was black.

I have white friends who have either married black men or women or who have cohabitated with one and all they could talk about was how they were going to have pretty babies with curly hair and light carmel skin tones. They got pregnant, had babies that did not quite meet their dreams. The hair is what kills them. They ask me-my hair is thick, red and long-what do I do, then they lament about how their kid did not turn out they way they thought.

My response-if you are going to have children of another racial and cultural group learn how to maneuver in it. Get to know it like a second skin. Quit fooling yourself that your kid is white. Genetically, that can’t happen and white is a recessive gene and dark is the dominant one. You have a child of color and if one of the parents is African-American get comfortable-tell them they are African American and explain what that is all about. You should also share with them their other history-French, Dutch, German, or whatever. Remember that you not the first, nor will you be the last person on earth to have a non-white child. You will find that you are helping your child to have real relationships with people because they are real about who they are!

Now, I have finished my dissertation! Bye now:)

2005-10-27 02:26:00